About Dying to Ourselves and Living for Others

     Henri Nouwen, a Dutch, Roman Catholic preist, and a spiritual writer discussed his perspective on the spiritual journey in a book entitled "Beyond the Mirror"; he said in part...."life is a journey of preparation--of preparing oneself to truly die for others.   It is a series of little deaths in which we are asked to release many forms of clinging and move increasingly from needing others to living for them."

     We discussed this quote in our Just Faith group on Tuesday night; reading it, the thought didn't sit well with me.  For starters, Henri Nouwen and many other spiritual writers often write without ever saying "this is what I have found to be true in my life".  More often they write it as it is written here like a pronouncement that is true for everyone. I want to say that I have read many of Henri Nouwen's books and have found much of what he wrote to be useful. However, as I find more out about his life, how restless he was, how he was always searching for some place to fit in, I get the impression that maybe he was lonely and unbalanced on some level.
     While I agree that dying to others is an important concept, it is not something that I have had to seek out in my life. It was not a revelation in my later years, it is something I lived more or less for many years without thinking about it.  Henri Nouwen lived the priviledged and pampered life of a priest with no one really counting on him to make their breakfast, or change their diaper, or rock them to sleep at night.  I imagine he never drove a car pool over 100 miles in a day just to make sure everyone got to their lessons and activities.  Before he died, he lived in a community where able bodied people cared for the disabled, and he had a person who depended on him 24/7 for help.  Mothers and primary care givers the world over do this on a daily basis, putting other people's needs in front of their own over and over again.  And for no money and no one writes them up in an article saying what heroic work they do.
     What Henri Nouwen doesn't take into account is that at least in my experience, living the gospel call means not only dying to self, but it also includes resurrection.  All that dying little deaths and relinquishing things absolutely happens, but that is only a part of the story. If we are to follow the example of Jesus, then there is not only suffering and death, there is also resurrection,  that is called the "Paschal Mystery".  Relinquishment is something that has been happening in my life over the past 10 or so years at a rugged pace.  I am happy to say that I am beginning to sense a resurrection in my life in so many ways, and that is the "Good News" that Jesus preached, with his words and his life.
     In the end, I believe that our spirituality is uniquely our own, given our birth as male or female, white, black, asian, hispanic, and about a million other variables.  So we can share our own experiences, not as absolutes, but as "this is how I see it from my vantage point", and it can be helpful or maybe you can't relate. The important thing is to share your own experience, and so perhaps enable others to share their thoughts and feelings. In my view, being present to others, seeing  them as human beings like youself and helping them along the journey is the most important work any of us can do.