Boundaries

 This morning as I was doing my meditation, I had a singular thought: boundaries.  I am paying attention to my feelings inside, or trying to a bit more, and something came up yesterday that has stirred up some anger/rage. This happens more often than not in relationships, expectations, perceptions, boundaries. 

I have a great group of high school friends who I am in contact with, about once a year we try to get together somewhere and catch up.  Last year, everyone came here and we had an amazing visit.  In my mind it was one of the best visits we have had. We saw the sights, swam, we played games in the evening, it was wonderful.  Lisa and Beth went home after about 5 days, but Brenda wanted to stay for 7 days, and I acquiesced, I was open to her being here for longer.  Trouble is, I was not really feeling the extra days after everyone else left.  We took her to Breckenridge, but it was really just powering through and trying to be hospitable.  I was annoyed with her most of the time. It really wasn't her, it was me, and I knew that.  So I made a mental note that I shouldn't do that again because it was too much for me, past my limits.  This year we will go to Old Orchard Beach, Maine.  Beth will be living there by then and we will be at Kristen's house.  Again Brenda asked me if she could stay extra days and I, as graciously as I could said Steve and I needed a couple of days to ourselves.  She said she understood completely, and I felt really good about setting a boundary that in the past I wouldn't have been able to set.

Yesterday, I get a text from Becky in the group format that says flights have been booked for 10/08-10/15. I immediately got a little anxious as I thought we agreed upon 10/10-10/15. I mentioned this and that we had people staying with us until 10/10. A few minutes went by and Becky said, "Oh we are staying with Beth for a few days before, the airline prices were better."  I said something to the effect that I hadn't heard that or had been part of the conversation.  Beth immediately apologized for not keeping me in the loop. Brenda tried to say she had not sent a text that she thought she sent.  She said "Beth invited us to stay with her for a few days before". This was not true because Beth told me Brenda approached her. Then asked if they could all stay extra days. Brenda ultimately got what she wanted, and I kept my boundaries. I think the thing that bothers me the most is that it seems like I was not sensitive to the cost of the airline tickets, but that was not the reason Brenda gave me for wanting to stay longer. At any rate, I guess I need to file this under information for future use. Remember that things won't always be straightforward with Brenda.

There is no objective reason for my rage. I got to keep my boundary, she got what she wanted.  But there is a little deception that transpired. I don't like being left out of the loop, but it makes sense as this decision did not hinge on me. Last time Becky wasn't able to come and I felt a little like the dynamic shifted.  I felt more included.  I'm praying I don't feel left out this time.  I may need to do some "work" in the form of meditation and  prayer around it.