Listening

"Whatever you do, do it for the glory of God".  This is one of those old school Bible verses that I grew up with.  At a glance it isn't as forward thinking, perhaps, as other more contemporary statements like "follow your bliss".  And yet, at its most stripped down, it wraps itself around bliss, authenticity, and creativity.

We need good listening skills if we are to hear this call of the Universe.  Meditation, visualization, co-creation with what we call God is essential if we are to hear and understand the meaning.  Sometimes we need to clear away the detritus of our lives for proper discernment.  That means letting go of the things someone else has asked us to do that doesn't match up with our call at the moment.  Perhaps at one point in time we were called to certain works, but now it is time to listen and let go.

On my way to Old Orchard Beach in October, I had one of those moments of clarity.  I am by myself, driving north on I95, and like someone is speaking out loud, it is so clear in my mind, I "hear" or I see that I am no longer supposed to be doing work in the church so much anymore.  This message has taken 10 or so years to percolate, I have a degree in Theology and I have been unsuccessfully trying to figure out how to reconcile my authenticity and work in the church, any church.

At about this time I have started tentatively writing in a journal some memories and observations about my life.  I have been repeatedly told by more than one person that I should write down my story.  I have resisted that because although I know on one level my story might be compelling, I always go directly to the end and decide that I will never get it published, and so I don't start.  I don't start writing even though I have thought about writing for at least 15 or more years now, perhaps not a memoir, but a book on theology, ever since I went to school at the Seminary.

Since 2004 I have been out of the work that I at one time felt I had been called to, and on a bright and sunny day in October of 2013, I get the sense that I am never going back to that work again.  It sounds like, "I am calling you to work outside of the church, do not take up another committee at church, even one like hospitality that means so much to you personally."

"What?" I say to myself, "but I am the one who has been harping on hospitality at the Parish Council meetings for three years, how can I now not do the work?"

"Just because the work is important, doesn't mean it is your work" so says Parker J. Palmer in his classic book "Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation".  Suddenly, and this has happened more times than I can count in my life, many pieces fit together and I can see a little bit more what the jig saw puzzle of my life looks like.

 When I sat down to write this blog entry this morning, I had no idea where it was going, I only had this vague idea I should sit down and write. I had to "listen" to this and turn off the Today Show and  the Olympic coverage that I wanted to watch.  As I came to this last paragraph, I was inspired to get out this following quote which I found on my way to Scranton, perhaps the first trip I took here after Steve got his job.  I was in the Cincinnatti airport, and I found this quote on a card, it meant so much to me I bought it and I have held it close to me since then.

I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language.  Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them, and the point is, to live everything.  Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.   -Rainer Maria Rilke

I offer this now as solid proof to myself that our lives do have meaning, that although many things go by that we cannot explain, sometimes things come together in the end and we see a larger purpose or we understand why.  I do not know if my writing will be published, this is another question that doesn't need to be answered right now, what I know is that writing the story is what I am called to right now for myself.  Will it benefit anyone else? Another question that does not have to be answered now.

Beth Moore says listen to what God is calling you to, not what the world wants. I say listen to what God is calling you to, not what will win points with the church or the community in which you live, not some internalized standard that has been bestowed upon you by a western worldview.

She also says: "Seek God first, seek God's approval, rest in God's will.  God consistently, persistently loves each one of us as if we were the only one."

 I say, " God is forever loving us."