Epiphany

"It's only when we truly know and understand

 that we have a limited time on earth-- 

and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up-- 

that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, 

as if it was the only one we had.

-Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

The book that this quote comes from, I have had for almost twenty years.  At some point in time, I underlined this bit of wisdom, and I have seen and understood my life to be shaped by this way of thinking for a long, long, time.  It isn't a huge revelation that we are first and foremost here on the earth to work out our own salvation, that part, the knowledge of it, is easy.  But, it changes over time, and the execution of said work is more complicated than it seems in the beginning.   

In these last five years, I have lost two of my siblings, and so this quote takes on an even more powerful meaning.  I know first hand now that time is limited.  You might get cancer at the age of 53 and die in three years.  I am past the age of 53, but the example is not lost on me.  Or, like my brother, you can be diagnosed with a rare blood cancer and live for 20 or more years past the expiration date the doctors gave you.  When my sister died, for a long while, I could not take a nap on the sofa as if I had all the time in the world.  Almost falling asleep, then jerking awake, "TIME IS LIMITED!" some part of me said very loudly.

I have spent these last few years since my sister's passing and now my brother's passing  pondering the existence of heaven and hell; the very existence of an afterlife was up in the air for awhile.  Then I had to grapple with my own, fairly imminent, demise.  I had a great deal of grief and fear until I faced the questions and realities and came out on the other side.   I have come through it with a renewed sense of  gratitude for each and every day I get to be here on this earth.  We will not pass this way again, and so making the most out of each day is really all we have.  

These days I try to concentrate on praying love and gratitude into every situation, every minute of my life. I take naps on the sofa again.  I continue to try to repair my brokenness, and remove the obstacles from my path that keep me from becoming all that I was intended to be. I am happy with my life. It is enough to be able to draw breath every morning and have some autonomy about how my day might go.  I don't need a larger "purpose" or a larger "goal" than just facing each day with gratitude and openness. I have a word for this process and it is simply: Living.

We seek everyday epiphanies-- the Sacred in the ordinary--